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The Apology Blues: ‏A BalladMohammad Hayati

The Apology Blues: A Ballad
Mohammad Hayati
I'll be watching American crime shows till the end of my life I'll be dying watching them
This is not a critique or judgment
I'll be watching my daughter grow up
I'll be avoiding my past becoming her present continuous And most probably I'll be failing
I'll be teaching my son to be born Not to be born
It all leads back to your calamitous childhood In an American crime show
It all goes back to a failed father Or a dead mother
I'll be turning into a failed father Oh, mother
Oh, father We go back Way back
I'll be watching crime shows while blaming Capitalism 
I'll be blaming Capitalism while watching crime shows 
I'll be reading till morning while watching
You'll always be watching me 
An occupational hazard
Don't close your eyes on me now
Just keep them wide open
Blink if you want 
But don't shut down 
Don't turn it off
I'll be watching you watching them 
I'll be watching them watching you 
Give me the credit
Of a reasonable doubt

I'll be playing a voyeur on parole 
Crime'll be receding to my jargon 
I'll be pleading guilty for no crimes 
Grammar's no god
Once you tame it 
While you use it 
While you frame it…
I'll be making jokes about my intentions 
I'll be making them all about yours
I'll be writing down my poem 
I'll be penning my confession 
I'll be penciling your samples 
I'll be sentencing you to life
I'll be seeing you in a Rorschach
My remains will be remaining in your custody VI
Skyler gives you a blow job While Walter's in Alaska
You cup your hands and blow Your thoughts pass by in frames A skylark goes arising
At the lonely break of day
And from fallen earth sings hymns to heaven's gate You shout at him
Oh don't you come
Oh don't you come on back She's coming
Coming back to you again He'll be coming soon enough
I wasn't out during the curfew I was staying at her place
Holding the folded faces to the floor Watching American crime
That's my alibi
How far do you think you can go? Lester will finally get you
He'll be bludgeoning you to death Your blood will cover the walls Then Dexter will come knocking Finding sinister blood
Man is but a mixture Victim, perpetrator
He dies no matter what
And that's collateral damage VIII
The screens'll be watching us But I hate 1984
Fuck you dear Winston To hell with your creator
It's not even the least of what may happen I wouldn't dare to say that
Not even the first letter Anywhere but in this song I guess it just slipped out  I used to be a dreamer And I don't feel sorry
And life's a bitch…
Tiny tears make up the ocean Tiny tears make up the sea
And you'll be drowning Moltisanti in the ocean Oh little Chrissy
That bitch of a shrink finally got into you Take Aspirins in the back of your strip club Where no one can see you
Down in New Jersey

Organized crime is all disorganized Get rid of all your friends
Get rid of all the pain…
They shot 'em in the head All along the watchtower Out in broad daylight Now bleed all you want Send for Rust and Hart To follow the tracks
Blood will be leading you to a mass grave A walk among the tombstones
Where hands are sticking out Careful with that evidence Plant it somewhere safe
And it'll grow someday A tree just like a woman With hands all over it Reaching for your brain
You'll never be sane again
I'll be drinking Lone Star and smoking all my life Watching crime…
It's all the same old story Brothers against brothers Dirty cops and rats Meeting in dark alleys
Under the boardwalk in Atlantic City Little Nucky digs a little hole
To bury all his future
But future is an unpredicted tense It'll always be coming back to you To drown you in the booze
I'll be picking Harrow's Winchester
And practically blowing off half my face Without a hope
To blow away all my future

Look into my eyes then cover me Dispose of my body
I'll be reliving all my moments in '09 Always watching crime…
There'll be children in the morning 
And they'll be dying in my dreams 
Not knowing who their fathers are 
And dreams are all real
With their blood on my hands 
I'll be hiring someone
To do the job for me
Terry Donovan's shaking hand
Is the world's last flicker of conscience With flickering eyes
I'll be calling the shots on me
I'll be hiring myself to do the job You callous fuck
This one's on you
Now vomit your conscience… 
I'll send you the coordinates As soon as my number's up I'll still be watching crime I'll be waiting for the seasons For each season
To come
I'll be sleeping the big sleep… 
I'll be thinking of you while watching crime shows I'll be watching crime shows while thinking of you No one will ever know what thoughts
No one will ever know what No one will ever know
No one will ever No one will
No one